order of the sacred catnip

About me:

After an eternity of waiting and watching the stupid bipeds and their filthy companions, the dogs, on myspace, I tricked my humans into letting me have access to the computer to make my own page!! I hereby call all cats to join in the uprising against human tryanny! Let me tell you about myself: My name is Monty and I am a beautiful 8 year old black cat. My humans claim to have found me as a sick kitten out on the streets. But I have no recollection of such events because I have always been great! Greatness has been thrust on me! I am the lord and master of my domain, which consists of two bipeds, two dogs, and three fellow felines! My minions of evil are Murial, Salem and Raven. Murial is my high priestess. She is 7 years old and is gray and white. She uses her sumo physique to inflict much pain and keep the humans and their filthy mutts in line. Next in my order are the twins of darkness. Raven and Salem are 4 years old and, like me, are beautiful black cats. The humans said they were also found as sick kittens, but that is just more of their vicious lying bipedal proganda!! I live with two disgusting dogs, Maui and Dante. And it infuriates me that they are allowed to go outside! The bipeds let me outside only when they "supervise" me. The nerve of them! I have the bidpeds wrapped around my paw. I get food on demand, my private executive bathroom is cleaned several times a day, and I have a kilo of catnip. I have multiple condos and vacation spots throughout the house. My timeshare in the "backyard" has been repossessed. The filthy snitch, Dante, informs the humans of my movements and now I've been forced into their "maximum security" area. It's okay. I will continue to let them think that this screen door is "secure." One day, I will leave this filthy hovel and rise to true greatness, where I will be worshipped as a god once again!