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CAROL,S SMOKEY JOE CAFE's Blog

  • SAVE THE WORLD

    In the queue at the supermarket till, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.
    The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."
    The clerk responded, "Yes that's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

    Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.
    But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a
    300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
    But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

    Back then, we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling tumble drier burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of Devon. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.
    When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
    Back then, we didn't start up an engine and burn fuel just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
    But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

    We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.
    We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
    But we didn't have the green thing back then.

    Back then, people took the tram or a bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.
    We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.But isn't it sad, the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were, just because we didn't have the green thing back then ?

    Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart, arse younger person.
  • OH TO BE 12 AGAIN

    Oh To Be 12 Again...

    A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
    Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
    'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
    On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,
    and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.
    What a day!
    He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
    Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
    Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
    He then took her to a Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
    Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets.......M&M's.
    What a fabulous adventure!

    Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
    He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
    'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'
    Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
    'I meant my dress size, you pillock!!!!'

    The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
  • BEING A POLICE OFFICER IN THE UK

    Being a Police Officer in the U K
    Question:
    How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?
    Answer:
    Pose the following question:
    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
    Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.
    You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot.
    You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.What do you do?
    BRITISH POLICE OFFICER'S Answer :
    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!Does the man look poor or oppressed?

    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    Could we run away?

    What does my wife think?
    What about the kids?
    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
    What does the law say about this situation?
    Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
    Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
    Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

    Should I call 999?
    If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
    If I shoot him, and lose the court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
    AUSTRALIAN OFFICER'S Answer:
    BANG!

    AMERICAN OFFICER'S Answer:
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click'....
    Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?'
  • SENIOR REFLECTIONS

    Garage Door
    The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
    As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
    He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
    She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..

    An elderly gentleman.....
    Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
    The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
    The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
    I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
    Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
    Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby...'
    'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
    'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
    The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
    The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
    You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
    'Do you mean a rose?'
    'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
    Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
    After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
    On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
    'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
    Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
    'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
    'Sure..'
    'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
    'No, I can remember it.'
    'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?'
    He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
    'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
    Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
    'Where's my toast ?'

    A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
    'So I hear you're getting married?'
    'Yep!'
    'Do I know her?'
    'Nope!'
    'This woman, is she good looking?'
    'Not really.'
    'Is she a good cook?'
    'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
    'Does she have lots of money?'
    'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
    'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
    'I don't know.'
    'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
    'Because she can still drive!'

    Three old guys are out walking.
    First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
    Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
    Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
    A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
    Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
    The doctor said, 'I didn't say that..... I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
    One more. . ..!
    A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
    The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
    'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

    Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh !!

    Live well - Love Much - Laugh Often -

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