Ok, so Friday was my birthday, and I never expect much on my birthday. Hell, o be honest (sollette thanks again) my birthday was pretty damn good. I went out to eat, and had a decent day at work, but whatever. The thing is, I only wanted one thing for my birthday: my son to say "Happy Birthday" to me. Did I get that? Of course not. I understand my ex hates me, I expect no less then for her to be pretty mean to me, but it was my birthday and I didn't even get to speak to my son for the twenty seconds that would take. I would have just called myself to speak to him for a second, but of course the restraining order will not allow that. Oh well, maybe next year...
$4,500 I alone have had to spend on court fees and a lawyer. That's not her, that's just me. All things considered, its been probably been about $9,000 or more that has been spent on dumb crap that they, and only they, deem necessary for Malachi. I would have gladly rather just put that toward a college/ car fund for Malachi. Think of that. $9,000 would have paid for two years at McNeese, or put a sweet deposit on a car. That isn't even included in the child support which is supposed to be for Malachi's benefit. All totaled, Malachi could have quite a bit of savings if someone didn't feel like being a child about all of this. The lies that have been told, the lengths that have been gone, the wasted time and money, all of which was just to be spiteful. All of this energy, time, and money could have been for Malachi, not for spite. Am I wrong for thinking that? I would have worked toward any agreement to avoid this crap. My son is more important then anything, maybe I'm alone in that philosophy.
Current mood:catalyzedThat was a sigh of relief for those that didn't know. Today, for the first time in two months, I got to see the most wonderful person in my world, my son. Of course I only saw him for a grand total of about an hour and a half, and I only got to see him because he had surgery today, but I got to see him. Oh my goodness it was such a wonderful thing: to see his eyes light up when he first saw me, to hear him say daddy, to hold him... I can't ever find the words to really relate how I felt. Oh, by love, I missed him so, so much. I mean don't get me wrong, I already miss him again, but just being with him for just a little while made me feel re-energized and empowered.
I love you my son.
I love you my Malachi.
I know that my four year old son will not actually read this, and I know that no one will get this to him, but,
Malachi, I love you very much, and I miss you. Happy Halloween my King of the Wild Things. I can't wait for the day that I can tell you that in person. You are the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I love you my son.